Category Archives: Films

Bog Standard.

Anyone familiar with my work will already be well aware of my penchant for toilet humour, so be wary – this blog post includes some whiffy humour, foul-stinking jokes and a few crap puns. Oh… and zombies. You have been warned!

It will be no surprise to regular Beano readers to see I’ve been scraping the unmentionable bowl for a few dried on nuggets of laughter yet again for the putrid wipe-clean puzzle page in this week’s Beano. I’ve set quite a few puzzles and Madverts in the littlest room in the house. For instance, I’ve already sent loony Les Pretend round the u-bend…


Potty: Les Pretend pretends to be a… erm… well…

I’ve gone to war on good taste with the bum-grenade lobbing Call Of Tooty


Modern Warfart: Rank smells in Call Of Tooty.

And I dumped this filthy load all over the pages of The Dandy

Toilet humour

Toilet Paper: Six of my stinkiest pages from The Dandy.

You get the idea there (and yes, I did do two Call of Duty parodies – the third in the trilogy, Call Of Dookie, is still on the to do-do list).

Another of my favourite subjects is the undead, here’s a few shambling wrecks reanimated from the Beano & Dandy archive.


ZomBeano: Pages dug up from the DC Thomson graveyard.

So, at last my love of toilet humour and the walking dead finally meet in this week’s Beano for my latest lavatorial masterpiece: Toilet Of Terror!

The puzzle is based around the premise that mild-mannered W.C Boggs has just popped off for a plop when Armageddon suddenly arrives, bringing the undead with it. The Wiping Dead surround him and you have to escape through a network of stinky sewers avoiding bum biscuits, fearsome floaters and the ever-present nightmare of a bog-paper pilfering sewer-surfing Zombie.

Bog standard

Flushed With Success: Toilet Of Terror, from this week’s Beano.

The eagle-eyed reader will spot a few nods to movies here. Firstly, Carry On At Your Convenience – in which Kennth Kope’s Union leader Vic Spanner is constantly at odds with Kenneth Williams as factory boss W.C Boggs. I’m a huge Carry On fan, and although this particular Carry On is – fittingly – crap, I couldn’t resist curling out a trouserless Kenneth Williams center stage in the bog-based puzzle page.


Round The Benders: Kenneth Williams and the gang land right in it in Carry On At Your Convenience.

Next up we have something a little less kid-friendly, recent zombies-in-the-toilet comedy horror movie Stalled.

In Stalled, down on his luck every-knob W.C is stuck cleaning toilets on Christmas Eve while the whole office parties around him. Things couldn’t get much worse, until the zombie apocalypse arrives and W.C is left trapped in the crapper and in deep crap!


Diarrhea Of The Dead: W.C has the crap scared out of him.

Stalled is the bonkers brainchild of madcap movie making Brit duo Dan Palmer and Christian James, and as well as a zombie outbreak it also features artwork by myself and fellow Beano doodler Andy Fanton.

Stalled is available on DVD now from HERE and HERE as well as a host of online streaming sites such as Netflix and BlinkBox.


Stalled: Plopping out now on DVD & Bluray.

Ignoring my involvement, I loved Stalled, it’s everything a Zombie movie should be and really is a claustrophobic  triumph. You can read a more in-depth review of Stalled on or watch the trailer HERE (it’s not for kids, obviously!)

Back to the puzzle and, in tribute to Stalled, if you look closely you can see a zombified version of W.C on the left of the page, peeping over the instructions and the background of the page (and this page’s header) is made up of a repeated image used in Stalled‘s online marketing (I asked writer and star Dan Palmer if I could use it).

My next puzzle doesn’t feature any zombies, fart gags, toilets or in-jokes. It’s just a plain old straight up tale of scientists hunting for a yeti. Here’s a sneaky peeky at part of it…


COR!!: My next puzzle is packed with goodies.

The Beano is out now in all good newsagents, WH Smiths, Sainsbury’s and the Co-Op priced £2. It’s packed with comics, puzzles, pranks and competitions as well as appearances from all your favourite comic characters from Dennis The Menace, Billy Whizz, The Bash Street Kids, Bananaman and Roger the Dodger to Biffo the Bear, Pansy Potter and Little Plum.

Finally, I couldn’t flush this blog away without sharing this, my take on Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge Of The Sith from The Dandy.

Fart wars

Fart Wars: Forcing one out.


All artwork on this blog remains property of DC Thomson & Co LTD. All rights, including Digital and Reproduction, are reserved by DC Thomson. No unauthorised reproduction or copying of any of the artwork in this blog is permitted.

All artwork is used by permission for the purpose of review.


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Filed under Carry On, Dan Palmer, Films, Parodies, Puzzle Pages, Stalled, The Beano, The Dandy, Toilet Humour, Zombies

Sharknado 2: The Seaquel

Today I am meant to be pitching new ideas for comic strips, puzzles and features to The Beano.

I also have 6 scripts to write.

However, that’s not happening. I am procrastinating on the internet.

Inspiration escapes me, as I have become uncontrollably distracted by something completely ridiculous. The criminally pun-less sub-title of Sharknado 2: The Second One.


I am well aware of the irony of being absolutely fine with every other aspect of this undoubtedly daft film, and that it is a ridiculous thing to be preoccupied with. I also fully understand that by discussing it here I’m doing exactly what the film’s producers had hoped would happen and generating free publicity. BUT

I have become entirely consumed with the thought that the sub-title is such a missed opportunity, to the extent that I can’t possibly get any work done until I purge this from my brain. So here goes.

Here’s are my suggestions for better titles:

  • Sharknado 2: The Seaquel
  • Sharknado 2: Whalestorm
  • Sharknado 2: Turtle Wipeout
  • Sharknado 2: Hammerhead Time
  • Sharknado 2: A Fish Called Twister
  • Sharknado 2: Megladonmageddon
  • Sharknado 2: Only Cod Forgives
  • Sharknado 2: Some Fin Funny
  • Sharknado 2: Chubmarine!
  • Sharknado 2: American Pisces 
  • Sharknado 2: Dude, Where’s My Carp?
  • Sharknado 2: Without A Porpoise
  • Sharknado 2: Piranha & Her Sisters
  • Sharknado 2: The 40 Year Old Sturgeon
  • Sharknado 2: Skates On a Plane
  • Sharknado 2: Haddock Bad Day?
  • Sharknado 2: Finders Kippers
  • Sharknado 2: Mullet Over
  • Sharknado 2: Bulletproof Monkfish
  • Sharknado 2: Water Warfare
  • Sharknado 2: Trout For Justice
  • Sharknado 2: Tossed In New York


  • Sharknado 2: For Goodness Hake!
  • Sharknado 2: Sardine State
  • Sharknado 2: Basking For Trouble
  • Sharknado 2: Seeking Kelp
  • Sharknado 2: Scream For Bream 
  • Sharknado 2: CODZILLA
  • Sharknado 2: Return Of The Mackrel
  • Sharknado 2: Back In The Halibut
  • Sharknado 2: Kick Some Bass!
  • Sharknado 2: Air Chub.
  • Sharknado 2: Fallen Angelfish
  • Sharknado 2: Barracuda In The Barracks
  • Sharknado 2: Like Pike
  • Sharknado 2: Groundshark Day
  • Sharknado 2: Dogfish Of War
  • Sharknado 2: Torrential Weever Conditions
  • Sharknado 2: Goldenfish
  • Sharknado 2: Guppy Love
  • Sharknado 2: War Seahorse
  • Sharknado 2: Salmons Gotta Give
  • Sharknado 2: Electric Eel-galoo
  • Sharknado 2: Fishin’ To Moscow
  • Sharknado 2: Requiems For A Scream

A Requiem Shark is a type of Groundshark.

Groundsharks are a type of shark usually found in the Caribbean.

No… Groundsharks do not live on the ground. That would make them die. Don’t you people know anything about sharks? Next you’ll be asking if they could be sucked out of the water by a tornado without obviously immediately dying.

Anyhoo, Sharknado (and I suspect Sharknado 2) is just a bit of silly low-budget fun. As was this blog. Let’s just sit back and look forward to Sharknado 3: Pilchard The Third.


Apologies to Lew Stringer for the misappropriation of one of his Pathetic Sharks from Viz, which I’ve skill-lessly added to the promo in the header!

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Filed under Films, Sharknado 2